Return of The Mount Hua – Chapter 1726 – I Can't Help Losing It (6)
Editor: Hoamzz
Co-Translator: Xoxo
He found himself at a complete loss for words.
‘Heo Gong Jin-in….’
The moment he saw the faint smile resting on Heo Gong’s face, which had clearly grown haggard, Baek Cheon was visibly flustered.
'This...'
He had heard it. Heo Gong made a difficult decision to save him.
They must have told it to him indirectly so as not to shock him, but someone like Baek Cheon wouldn’t fail to understand the meaning behind it.
Yet, despite knowing all this, Baek Cheon hadn't even thought to visit Heo Gong to express his gratitude. He pretended otherwise, but in the end, he had been so consumed by his own situation that he had forgotten even basic courtesy.
The moment he realized this, Baek Cheon's face flushed bright red.
“I- I’m sorry…”
Trying to move hurriedly in his sudden realization, Baek Cheon momentarily lost his balance and stumbled. Heo Gong reached out and gently held his shoulder.
“Be careful.”
"Ah..."
“If you were to fall to your death in a place like this… wouldn’t suspicious eyes turn toward me, who was with you? I don't have the confidence to bear Mount Hua’s anger."
It was a gentle tone mixed with humor. There was a sense of ease in his words. The confusion in Baek Cheon's eyes deepened slightly.
"Don't you agree?"
Only after Heo Gong smiled and asked again did Baek Cheon finally calm down and clear his throat. Though a bit late, he bowed his head politely toward Heo Gong.
"I heard you saved my life. I was foolish, so my thanks were delayed. Please forgive me with your generous heart."
“Forgive, you say...”
Heo Gong murmured quietly, then broke into a gentle smile.
“Aren’t we Taoists?”
"…Yes?"
"I merely followed where my heart led. It was never a matter deserving gratitude in the first place. Why then would forgiveness be necessary?”
“...”
“Sit down. Today, I shall concede my best spot to you."
Baek Cheon nodded and sat down cautiously. Heo Gong then sat down next to him as if nothing had happened.
A moment of silence passed. For Baek Cheon who harbored guilt in his heart, it was difficult to readily bring up any words.
Unable to endure the awkwardness of the prolonged silence, Baek Cheon tried to speak first. But Heo Gong was faster.
"Quite a fine view, isn't it?"
"What?"
Baek Cheon looked ahead again, somewhat awkwardly.
…Well. If it had been a few days ago, he might have agreed with Heo Gong’s words. But now it felt like a rather strange expression. Calling the pitch-black burned mountain ridge a decent view.
“Don’t you think so?”
When Heo Gong asked again, an awkward smile hung on the corners of Baek Cheon's mouth.
"It is, but..."
"You don't think so at all."
Baek Cheon eventually smiled bitterly.
"I apologize."
“There’s nothing to apologize for. We merely see things differently.”
“...”
"Of course, the outside has become quite hideous, but... well. Those burned trees and grass aren't the essence of this mountain, are they?"
Baek Cheon's eyes were filled with doubt. Seeing his expression asking what that meant, Heo Gong gave a short smile.
“If the trees of this mountain were replaced by different trees, would it no longer be Wudang?”
"Yes?"
"Or, suppose one day, all the trees of this mountain suddenly vanished. Would this mountain then cease to be Mount Wudang?”
“...”
"That wouldn't be the case."
Heo Gong's voice was simply calm.
"Ultimately, Wudang refers to this mountain range. That's why people in the world simply call this mountain Wudang, even though it looks different in spring and summer, and different again in autumn and winter."
Baek Cheon stared blankly at Heo Gong for a moment.
A complex feeling arose.
In fact, the Heo Gong he remembered was a more rigid and sharper person. Far from being someone others could easily approach, he seemed like the type who would even sleep with his sword at night.
However, the person before his eyes now was far too different from the Heo Gong he knew. To exaggerate slightly, it felt as if a completely different person who merely shared a similar face was sitting there.
"Dojang..."
A long and deep sigh leaked from Baek Cheon's mouth as he roughly guessed the reason for that change.
"I'm sorry. Because of me."
“You’re making me repeat myself. That’s a bad habit.”
"However..."
"I like this place. No, to be precise, I used to like it. Climbing up here made me feel as though my chest was opening up."
He seemed to understand. That was why Baek Cheon too had climbed here half-instinctively, wasn't it?
Heo Gong's gaze turned upward. Beyond the mountains and fields, to that high sky.
“There was a time, you see. I believed I could climb to the highest place in the world."
“...”
"No, to be precise, I thought I had to climb there. And I was convinced I had sufficient talent to do so."
Baek Cheon nodded silently.
“Our Sect Leader always said this as well. That Heo Gong must lead Wudang to become the greatest sect under heaven, and must become the greatest sword under heaven whom none could deny. And that he was fully capable of accomplishing it.”
Though perhaps not equal to Shaolin's Hye Yeon, Heo Gong was also a prodigy who carried all of Wudang's expectations. He was someone for whom aiming for the highest seat under the heavens was only natural.
"I, too, believed those words without doubt. Yes, until I met your Sahyung."
A sigh unknowingly escaped Baek Cheon's lips.
"That’s..."
"Don't misunderstand. I don't intend to resent. Just... I came to realize. That I cannot climb to that place."
Baek Cheon's face hardened.
"Do you understand? I don't know why, but at some point, I had been living solely to climb to that place. The value of my life was nothing but that. And yet… That day, it suddenly dawned on me. The fact that I could never become the greatest sword under heaven.”
"Dojang..."
“Upon realizing that, a thought suddenly crossed my mind. What value is there left in me, who has lost my purpose?”
Heo Gong laughed shortly.
But Baek Cheon glimpsed poignant pain in that almost fleeting laugh. He could recognize that emotion because it resembled the despair that gripped Baek Cheon now and wouldn't let go.
“Though not anymore.”
"...Not anymore? Then are you saying you no longer cling to it?"
“That’s right.”
Something stirred within Baek Cheon. An emotion completely different from admiration or wonder.
"Really?"
Baek Cheon asked back. Heo Gong, who was about to answer readily, paused for a moment and looked back at Baek Cheon. He had noticed that Baek Cheon's voice sounded somewhat strange.
“What do you mean by that?”
"Isn't that merely an excuse?"
"Acting Sect Leader."
Baek Cheon bit his lip.
His logical mind knew this shouldn't be done. The man before him had given up even his martial arts for Baek Cheon’s sake. He was literally a benefactor.
Moreover, indebted for his very life, that grace could never be taken lightly. Baek Cheon's current words and actions were completely against proper conduct.
But even knowing this, he couldn't bear it.
"I don't mean to disparage Dojang's enlightenment. Dojang must have naturally obtained great enlightenment. However... even so, there's one thing I want to ask."
"What is it?"
"Could you say the same if you hadn't lost it?"
Heo Gong seemed somewhat taken aback and fell silent for a moment.
Baek Cheon kept biting his lips as if trying to suppress his impulse, but there was no way to stop the dam of emotions that had burst.
The feelings that had slipped beyond his control overflowed to a point he could no longer control.
“Could you have said the same before you were defeated? What if there was still hope? Do you truly believe you would have eventually come to think that way? Are you not merely deceiving yourself, acting as if it doesn’t matter, like one who has transcended the secular world simply because Dojang has already lost and can never regain it?”
Baek Cheon's face grew increasingly distorted.
It wasn’t anger. It was disillusionment. Contempt for himself, spewing such words at his benefactor, rose from the depths of his gut.
“One who possesses gold does not treat it lightly, because they know its value. But those who have none often dismiss gold as worthless. If it's something they can't obtain anyway, it's more comfortable to disparage its value. What about it? Can Dojang truly say that’s not the case?"
Baek Cheon's voice grew increasingly agitated. His trembling lips and wandering pupils vividly showed that he was now in the midst of turmoil.
"If Dojang were given another chance, if Dojang could regain your martial arts and return to how you were! Would you still say the same things then? Could you really? Really?"
"Acting Sect Leader..."
"What exactly is a Taoist!”
Baek Cheon's eyes were bloodshot. His desperate cry echoed resoundingly through Mount Wudang.
"Is a Taoist someone who has no greed? If you fall while running, is laughing it off saying 'this was as far as I could go' what makes a Taoist? Is a Taoist someone who thinks everything is solved just by spouting that they are pursuing the Tao, no matter what happens? Just what on earth…!"
Baek Cheon's gaunt hand trembled. Heo Gong just watched him with pitying eyes.
After gasping for breath as if short of air for a while, Baek Cheon soon closed his eyes. His eyelashes fluttered pitifully.
"I never even aspired to the heavens... I never did."
“...”
"Just..."
Baek Cheon's head slowly drooped.
“I just...”
Even his words trailed off as if burning away. Heo Gong, who had been watching him in silence, brushed off his seat and stood up. Then, fixing his gaze on the distant sky, he spoke.
“What is a Taoist...”
Mulling over Baek Cheon's question, Heo Gong let out a short sigh.
"I see. Thinking about it, you're right. I acted too pretentiously. Our pains are different, after all."
“...”
“I was rude. Please forgive me.”
With those final words, Heo Gong turned away.
Baek Cheon flinched and raised his head to see Heo Gong's back as he descended from the peak.
He must say something. Anything.
"Dojang..."
He must apologize. For the rude behaviour he had just committed. For this foolish act.
But just then, Heo Gong's voice drifted back. There was not even a speck of disappointment or anger toward Baek Cheon within.
“What was your dream?”
Baek Cheon couldn't answer readily and stared blankly at Heo Gong's back.
"You might have wanted to make Mount Hua the greatest sect under the heavens, become an excellent sect leader, and perhaps obtain a bit of fame. Perhaps it was a life of sharing what you gained. Perhaps you pursued some value I can't think of. However."
Heo Gong's voice, without even turning his head, slowly penetrated Baek Cheon's ears.
"What were you planning to do after achieving all that?"
Heo Gong stopped walking and looked back slightly.
Baek Cheon couldn't face those eyes, calm as a deep lake, and lowered his head. He had turned away.
"Perhaps what you need now is the answer to that question."
Heo Gong took another step and descended the mountain. He was limping slightly. The remnants of his injury hadn't yet faded. He had come all the way here with that body. Thinking Baek Cheon would be here.
Feeling somewhat dazed and overwhelmed, Baek Cheon closed his eyes tightly.
When he opened his eyes again a moment later, only a cloudless sky stretched before him.
'I...'
He sneered with a hoarse voice.
'Am the worst human being.'
As he lowered his head, a murky teardrop gathered pitifully at the corner of his eye.
|Note
I know this will happen eventually, but man.
Also, Taoist makes me think of Mandalorian. This is the way,
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