Return of The Mount Hua – Chapter 1174. This yangban can't even give an answer (4)
Editor: Hoamzz
Co-Translator: Xoxo
Chung Myung looked at the moon in the sky in silence.
The face of Cheon Mun overlapped with the indifferently pale moon. A familiar and nostalgic face was smiling at him.
"Ridiculous..."
Chung Myung pouted his lips.
"A yangban who can't even give me an answer."
An inevitable sense of resentment. And an inevitable longing.
Even though he knew that Cheon Mun was no longer here, during times like this, he couldn't help but think of that face.
Chung Myung, who was staring intently at Cheon Mun's face overlapping with the moon, spoke in a slightly raised voice.
“No, that’s not it.”
A small chuckle escaped from his lips.
"At my age, do you really think I'd be shaken by something that bald-headed guy said? No matter what he says, it doesn't even enter my ears. It's not like I've only met a few people who have lived with only their mouth anywhere."
He waved his hand dismissively. But soon, in a slightly defeated voice, he muttered,
"Just…."
He hesitated briefly as if unsure, then lifted his head to look at the sky. He saw a dark night sky without clouds or moon.
"It's not because of what that bald guy said... It just made me think back on my situation. I tried not to think about it if possible.”
Contrary to what others might have guessed, the words that Bop Jeong said that shook Chung Myung the most were, "I must be at the very back."
Because it wasn't wrong.
Chung Myung wasn't foolish. He knew that the one leading must be in the safest position. Of course, he knows that much. That is why, in the past war against Magyo, he made sure to keep Cheon Mun out of the battlefield.
The reason was simple. At the time, Chung Myung wasn't capable of leading the entire Mount Hua Sect. No matter how strong Chung Myung was, if Mount Hua had lost Cheon Mun after losing Cheong Jin, Mount Hua would have lost its core and would not be able to exert its full power.
Yes. The leader is that important.
Despite knowing that fact, Chung Myung has been on the front lines all this time. And he has fought recklessly over and over again. Because he had unwavering confidence in his own experience.
But… Chung Myung also knew that the "heavenly fortune" that had carried him from his past life to this one was not something eternal.
If he continued in the same way, there might come a day when, just as Bop Jeong had said, Mount Hua's disciples would witness Chung Myung's cold, lifeless body.
And what awaits Mount Hua after that would likely be destruction. Complete and utter destruction, from which no one could escape.
“What’s so great about me….”
Chung Myung forced a hollow laugh.
It is ridiculous to think of the word destruction. How many roles can one Chung Myung cover even if he tries hard? If the brats of the current Mount Hua Sect grew up completely, they would accomplish far more than Chung Myung ever could.
“…Yeah, that’s right.”
Chung Myung uttered powerlessly, his head still tilted back.
He really thought so.
If Baek Cheon could become a proper sect leader and follow in Cheon Mun's footsteps, and if Yoon Jong could become a true Taoist and guide the Tao (도(道)/way/path) that was lacking in Mount Hua.
If only Jo-Gol could become the leader of Mount Hua's vanguard force, Yoo Iseol could become the embodiment of the sword that Mount Hua pursues, and Tang Soso could become a strict teacher guiding Mount Hua's disciples.
If all the other disciples could play their roles in their respective positions, Mount Hua would become a much stronger and more powerful sect than it was during Cheon Mun’s leadership.
Chung Myung was certain of this after observing them for so long.
Of course, he always ignored and persecuted them because they were children, but they are truly great people. Incomparable to the likes of Chung Myung back then.
Yes. Surely... surely, it would turn out that way.
That's why it's even more regrettable.
“Isn’t this cruel, Cheon Mun Sahyung?”
Chung Myung laughed bitterly.
“If I just had ten more years... I could really make it happen. Even without me guiding them, they’d be able to get there on their own.”
The world, as it always has, doesn't give them enough time.
Chung Myung knew this too well, and ever since returning to this world, he hadn’t rested for a single moment in his effort to lead Mount Hua. Always pushing to take them higher, even a little higher. But in the end, they hadn’t reached that height in time.
If it were ten years from now, Chung Myung would fight at the frontlines without hesitation to save even one more life. There would be plenty of others to fulfill the role he should play from the rear.
But now it can't be like that. Chung Myung’s death now would be an indescribable loss to the entire sect of Mount Hua. To save even one more life, Chung Myung must not stand on the front lines. Right. In order to save more people....
“It’s quite ironic.”
Chung Myung smiled bitterly. He asked the question. What should be done with Hainan? It was supposed to be a question for Bop Jeong, one that should have been unanswerable for him.
But whether or not Bop Jeong intended, the question was instead turned back on Chung Myung.
Just as Shaolin had to prove the cause he was talking about through Hainan, Chung Myung will now have to prove what his words of "Chivalrousness" truly meant.
One day, Chung Myung will definitely face it.
A situation where, to save one disciple of Mount Hua, he might have to sacrifice all the others.
What would he do then?
To take it to the extreme, if there were no other option but to lead all of Mount Hua into the heart of Magyo to save Baek Cheon, who was trapped in a deadly situation... what choice would he make?
Would he ignore Baekcheon’s screams of “Don’t come!” while coughing up blood, and throw away his life along with everyone else?
Or would he turn away, as if tearing out his eardrums, gouging out his eyes, and severing his own arm?
"…Sahyung."
Chung Myung muttered bitterly.
“You were truly something else. No matter how I thought I was getting closer, you’re always still so far away...”
He never thought of surpassing Cheon Mun in the first place. But he had thought that perhaps now, he could finally understand a little of what Cheon Mun had felt and the dilemmas he had faced.
But every time something like this happens, he realizes anew what the past Cheon Mun had endured and overcome.
"The sword of Mount Hua, huh..."
Chung Myung chuckled quietly to himself.
It would have been nice if he could have truly been that. A sword doesn't need to think; it just swings.
That was exactly the kind of position Chung Myung wanted. A position where he didn't have to think for himself. A position where he could fight as he pleased and not have to take responsibility.
But he knows.
He can't be Mount Hua's sword. Someday, perhaps, he can return to his rightful place, but right now, he can't be a complete sword. No one in Mount Hua can freely wield him. No one can properly lift the sword named Chung Myung.
Therefore, he has no choice but to move on his own. To think, to choose, with his own will and his own self.
“Cheon Mun Sahyung.”
Chung Myung, who had been singing slowly, laughed softly.
"I'm sorry. Back then, I didn't know my place..."
When he tried to go to save Cheong Jin, Cheon Mun stopped him. At that time, Chung Myung did not hide his emotions and poured out his anger on Cheon Mun.
But now, he understands. He realizes how arrogant it was.
Someone who doesn't bear the responsibility of a choice shouldn't dare speak like that to the one who must fully accept the consequences of that choice.
“But… I still don’t know, Sahyung.”
Chung Myung's dazed gaze turned toward the moon.
"I know I have to choose, but I don't know what to choose. So I kept delaying, and now here we are."
He thought that if he could just make Mount Hua's disciples stronger, somehow before their enemies revealed themselves, if he could make them strong enough, then maybe he wouldn't have to face such unreasonable choices. No, that's what he believed.
He had often got angry at his Sahyung for not confronting their impending deaths, but in truth, it was none other than Chung Myung who was unable to confront their deaths more than anyone else.
He had seen too much death, and so he knew all too well the unbearable pain of the sudden absence (부재(不在)) of those who had been by his side.
And so he doesn't have the confidence to choose.
He can't be like Bop Jeong and say that it's right to save more people, that personal feelings should be set aside, and that what must be discarded should be discarded, and he can't drag everyone into the middle of death and then laugh proudly and say they did a great job saving one person.
If Chung Myung were to actually face such a situation, he would be unable to do anything. He would just sit there, not knowing what to do, letting it all slip from his grasp.
And that will lead Mount Hua to destruction one day. Chung Myung's hesitation, Chung Myung's indecisiveness will push Mount Hua into an abyss from which there is no more way to survive.
"I thought that if I lived long enough, I’d eventually become an adult."
He had already lived more than enough. No, he had lived more than enough. He had tenaciously clung to a life that should have ended long ago.
"But... it seems like only certain people are destined to become adults. I wasn't one of them."
How great would it be if Cheon Mun was by his side at times like this?
If there had been someone here to help him make the choices he couldn't make, to carry his burdens in front of him. If there had been someone here, even if it was Cheong Jin, not Cheon Mun...
"That’s just wishful thinking."
Chung Myung shook his head.
Longing for those who are no longer here won't change anything. Missing them is just proof of how weak he has become—it’s nothing more and nothing less.
Chung Myung glanced down at the bottle of liquor in his hand. He stared at the full bottle, untouched, and sighed before speaking.
"Did you bring a cup?"
There was no answer in return.
But Chung Myung said without even turning his head, as if he had expected that.
"I didn’t bring a cup."
Step. Step.
Baek Cheon approached with a familiar sound of footsteps and sat down next to him. Then, he snatched the bottle of liquor from Chung Myung's hand.
"Acting like you need a cup when you never even drink from one."
Baek Cheon tilted the bottle and drank the liquor in one gulp. Chung Myung silently watched him from the side.
"Kuh."
Baek Cheon put down the bottle of liquor with a frown.
"It’s strong."
“That’s what alcohol is.”
Chung Myung was handed a bottle of liquor that Baek Cheon had drunk. However, unlike usual, he just put it down without putting it in his mouth.
Baek Cheon quietly observed him, then turned his gaze forward and spoke.
“What are you doing here?”
"Just."
"Is that so?"
Baek Cheon, who had been staring blankly at the moon in the sky, slowly opened his mouth.
“I feel relieved.”
"What?"
"You too..."
Baek Cheon's voice that flowed out was simply calm. However, it contained an inexplicable weight.
“You too are human.”
The moon over the Yangtze River shimmered and wavered in the rippling waves.
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