Return of The Mount Hua – Chapter 1032. We won't be by his side (2)
Editor: Hoamzz
Co-Translator: Xoxo
Chung Myung noticed Hyun Jong approaching and tried to stand up.
However, Hyun Jong lightly gestured and made him sit down again. And then he plopped down next to Chung Myung.
When Chung Myung glanced at him, Hyun Jong smiled slightly.
"Why? Is it too frivolous an action for a sect leader?"
“It’s not like that, but….”
“I wasn’t born a sect leader either.”
Hyun Jong looked at the flowing river with a bitter expression.
“When I entered Mount Hua, I was actually freer than now."
“…Yes?"
"Hmm. That sounds a little strange. Rather than being free... Yes, it would be appropriate to say that there was no structure."
Chung Myung quietly nodded.
If you think about it, that makes sense.
The upper-rank people are disappearing day by day, and even the disciples who trained together suddenly leave Mount Hua one day. It was even more strange if the structure of the sect was maintained properly.
Hyun Jong, Hyun Sang, and Hyun Young.
Among the Un generation, these three are currently guarding Mount Hua.
Were they the only ones who entered Mount Hua as the Un generation in the first place? That can't be possible. Many of such people left and the current number of disciples remained. Only three.
"I never thought I'd become the sect leader. My rank wasn’t that high when I joined. I had many seniors."
“….”
"Of course, I thought Daesahyung would be the sect leader."
“The one from that time?"
Chung Myung asked bluntly. Hyun Jong chuckled at the mention of "that one."
"Yes, I thought that one would become the sect leader."
“….”
Hyun Jong, who glanced at Chung Myung’s face, slowly shook his head.
"Remember one thing."
“….”
"That one you saw back then might have seemed extremely despicable."
“I won’t deny it.”
If Chung Myung had seen such a person become the leader of Mount Hua, he might have truly resented Mount Hua. No, even if he didn't give up on Mount Hua, he would definitely have tried to change the sect leader in some way.
If you think about it, it was a very fortunate thing. There was a trustworthy person holding the position of sect leader.
“But Chung Myung. Sahyung was not like that from the beginning.”
“….”
“The Sahyung I saw at a young age was a really great person. At least through my eyes back then, he seemed like someone who could uplift the declining Mount Hua."
Hyun Jong slowly shook his head.
"But time is like that. It turns an ambitious young man into greedy old men, and a timid young man with messy hair into someone responsible for an entire sect."
Hyun Jong paused for a moment and quietly muttered.
"I’ve always been thankful to you."
Chung Myung tried to say something, but Hyun Jong opened his mouth first, as if he had to finish what he wanted to say first.
"Not because you led Mount Hua. Not because you did what I was supposed to do. The reason I’ve always felt gratitude towards you is simply because you believed in me entirely."
“…Everyone in Mount Hua believes in Sect Leader.”
"Right. Perhaps that was the case. But... it's a bit different, yes?"
Chung Myung was unable to answer readily.
Surely everyone in Mount Hua believes in Hyun Jong. However, they didn’t always trust him completely as the leader capable of reviving Mount Hua from the beginning.
Even his Sajes, the elders, would not have believed that Hyun Jong could rekindle Mount Hua as a sect leader. They simply followed because Hyun Jong was the sect leader.
The only person who believed in Hyun Jong wholeheartedly was Chung Myung.
Hyun Jong’s authority did not come from somewhere else. It was because Chung Myung, who would attack anyone else like a mad dog, never opposed Hyun Jong's words, leading others to naturally respect and trust him.
Hyun Jong, the person involved, knew that fact very well.
“As much as I am grateful to you, I have worked hard to become a person who is not lacking as a sect leader of Mount Hua. But… It’s still not easy.”
“…Sect Leader.”
"You always told me that I deserved to be the sect leader. But I still don't know if I truly have that qualification."
Hyun Jong smiled warmly.
"It seems there's no changing one's nature."
The sky darkened and the stars seemed as if they were going to fall at any moment. Hyun Jong spoke with his eyes fixed on the scene.
“Shaolin has no intention of going to Gangnam.”
“….”
“You probably already knew, right?”
Chung Myung nods. And he added softly.
"You suspected it as well, Sect Leader."
"Right. I suspected. Still, I didn't want to give up on that sliver of hope. No, maybe I just wanted to buy some time. Because while I was going for an obvious answer, I could excuse myself that I was doing something and not ignoring what was happening on the other side of the river.”
Hyun Jong let out a hollow laugh.
"Did you talk about the cost of letting a day pass by doing nothing?"
“….”
"Right. I know it. I know. But Chung Myung….”
Hyun Jong’s voice was tinged with bitterness.
“Even though I know the price… Even though I’m not unaware of it, I’m too much of a coward to face that reality head on.”
"Sect Leader…"
Hyun Jong looked into the distance. What his lonely gaze was fixed on, Chung Myung couldn't tell.
“You said it.”
“….”
“There are not many things in the world that are strictly divided into right and wrong. Whatever choice we make, it's just different, not wrong."
Chung Myung nodded. This is clearly what he said to Hyun Jong.
“But Chung Myung….”
Hyun Jong sighed deeply.
“Just because it’s not wrong doesn’t mean it’s right.”
“….”
"It sounds to me like saying there's no correct answer in the world. If I have to make a choice where there's no correct answer and no better path, which side should I choose?"
Chung Myung saw it. Hyun Jong's fingertips, slightly exposed beneath his sleeves, are trembling pitifully.
"…I don't have the courage to ignore those dying across the river."
“….”
“But I don’t even have the courage to go beyond that river. As much as I've told you all to be prepared to lay down your lives for Chivalrousness, I can't bear the thought of seeing you lose your lives across that river."
Hyun Jong slowly stroked his face. For some reason, he looked noticeably worn.
“It’s not a matter I can choose. I am too small a person to make that choice.”
He readily admitted, as he always did, that he was a small person and lacking a figure. Chung Myung could faintly guess the countless torments and self-reproaches that must have plagued Hyun Jong over the years.
Hyun Jong said, still keeping his eyes fixed on the sky.
“After hearing Bangjang’s words, anger rose to the top of my head.”
“….”
"So cowardly… and so cunning. I can see that he only wants to pursue profit at all costs. Truly an ugly sight."
Hyun Jong's voice became even heavier as he recalled his conversation with Bop Jeong.
"However… As I was on my way back, this thought suddenly occurred to me.”
Hyun Jong slowly closed his eyes and muttered.
“Maybe I… don’t even have the courage to be cowardly?”
“….”
“There is a reason for Bangjang’s choice, even if it is a cowardly one. He does not want to see his disciples die on the other side of the river. Even if he's criticized, scorned, and pointed at for abandoning Chivalrousness, he's showing the will to stand firmly by his disciples and protect them."
"Sect Leader…"
"According to you, then, isn't that also not wrong? Is that really a mistake?"
“….”
"Perhaps… Yes, perhaps that too is another form of courage. Just as Heo Dojin choice was made in the past, Bop Jeong may also know what he must do. He said that those who do not know what they should do are rather… me.”
Chung Myung quietly looked at Hyun Jong’s face. Even in the darkness, he could see the reddening around his eyes. At that moment, Chung Myung couldn't help but sigh.
"I don't know. I don't know where the difference between them and me comes from. Whether it's because I had no predecessor to learn from. Or if it's not that…"
“That won’t be the case.”
Chung Myung shook his head resolutely.
“What Mount Hua needs to pass on has already been passed on to Sect Leader. If everything is done according to the will of the predecessor, there would be no need for future generations."
“….”
"One who does not ponder for themselves cannot be said to be truly living, even if they are alive."
"Yes, I suppose so....”
Hyun Jong shook his head and then turned his gaze away. His reddened eyes met Chung Myung's.
“So, Chung Myung….”
"Yes. Sect Leader.”
"Just a little longer…"
Hyun Jong paused for a moment as if it was too difficult to utter the words. But after a brief silence, he finally pushed out those incredibly heavy words.
"…Is it so wrong to be a little cowardly?"
“….”
His voice trembled. It seemed too painful for him to say such things in front of his disciple. Five Swords, who was listening to the conversation between the two from behind, couldn't have been unaware of the obvious tremor in the voice. Everyone could not bear to look at Hyun Jong and lowered their heads.
“I know too…. This is a shameless act. It's an ugly choice, no different from Shaolin.... But I don't know. I truly don't. Why can't we do the same?"
“….”
“How come is it that Mount Hua, out of everyone else, had to face it head on, when even that Shaolin, even that Wudang turns away from it? How come..... what for?"
Chung Myung clenched his eyes shut.
This question was once asked by him to Cheong Mun. Why does it have to be Mount Hua? Why is it that, to Mount Hua alone, is this a must?
He too had screamed and shouted with rage and hatred. Now, Hyun Jong was asking him the same question.
Hyun Jong continued, sounding almost like he was sighing.
"There sure are things that could be earnt from facing it head on. Yeah, there certainly are."
“….”
"But the things earnt that way..... is it really greater than the things we had to lose in the process?"
Hyun Jong shook his head without waiting for Chung Myung’s answer.
“There's no way. I don't have the confidence…"
“…Sect Leader.”
"I.... don't have the confidence to praise and say well done to Baek Cheon who died for chivalry. Neither do I have the courage to smile in front of Yoon Jong's grave, nor to celebrate Jo Geol's will in front of his coffin! I don't even have the courage to cry and scream while holding on to Iseol's sword.”
“….”
"Are you asking me…"
Hyun Jong’s jaw trembled.
"Are you asking me to watch as your corpse turns cold, and then preach to disciples who managed to survive to follow your chivalry? You ask that of me? This me?"
Hyun Jong's voice began to carry intense emotion.
"This pride of Chivalrousness that we have to earn! Is it really more important than the days ahead for those children? Is it really worth it to sacrifice all the things they could have chased for in their lives? For what exactly!”
“….”
"If it had to come to this…"
As he shouted in an agitated tone, Hyun Jong suddenly laughed as if everything was futile.
"Perhaps it would have been better to remain a small unknown sect in Shaanxi…"
Chung Myung, who could no longer watch that expression, closed his eyes.
"If I knew that regaining the past Mount Hua would require such... such a cruel price..... then I would never have made that decision."
“….”
"I would never..…"
Hyun Jong slumped down as if collapsing.
Chung Myung couldn't bring himself to look in that direction and cast a forlorn gaze at the flowing river.
'Cheong Mun Sahyung.'
A low sigh escaped him like a breath.
'It's difficult, Sahyung.'
Cheong Mun's answer did not return.
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"Are you asking me to watch as your corpse turns cold, and then preach to disciples who managed to survive to follow your chivalry? You ask that of me? This me?"
I cannot bear to read this vulnerability in Hyun Jong and Chung Myung. It's heartwrenching.
Even if I scorn Bop Jeong, I understand after looking at Hyun Jong how difficult it is to be a leader. It is not only your duty to save the spirit of the Sect but also to save the life of the disciples. No family wants to give up on their children's life just for the sake of others. But it is the way of Mount Hua to take up the responsibility of saving the weak. So what should he do? As he said he was never ready for the weight that was thrown on his shoulders but he carried it anyway because he couldn't bear to see his home falling apart.
People calling Hyun Jong a loser should remember that even Chung Myung acknowledges him. "There was a trustworthy person holding the position of sect leader." He has given everything to stop Mount Hua from perishing even when he knew he might not get anywhere with his efforts. I hate that some don't understand that.
Everything is so heavy that even Chung Myung is unable to say anything.