Return of The Mount Hua – Chapter 1444. What Should I Do? (4)
Editor: Hoamzz
Co-Translator: Xoxo
Tang Gun-ak looked up at the sky in silence for a long while.
'Happiness....'
Perhaps Chung Myung's words were right.
Would the founding ancestor of Tang Family, who first put down roots in Sichuan and gathered family members, truly have wished for descendants to make their name known throughout the world?
Perhaps not.
They probably just wanted the family and the descendants to be at peace in this strange and remote land. That was why they built fences and taught methods to protect oneself.
"...In the end, what you're saying is..."
When Tang Gun-ak looked at Chung Myung, Chung Myung cleared his throat and naturally wiped his face with his sleeve. Then nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders.
“Poison is important, of course. So is assassination art. And Tang Family’s reputation is also important.”
“...Right.”
“But aren’t those just means to ensure the people of Tang Family can live peaceful lives? The more of those you obtain, the safer Tang Family will be."
Tang Gun-ak nodded. That was definitely true.
"But humans are strange. In the pursuit of a goal, we get so fixated on the means that at some point, the means become the goal. Like....”
“Like me now?”
Chung Myung shook his head.
"I'm not saying this only to you, Gaju-nim. At some point, the Sichuan Tang Family became that way. Long before now.”
If those stars were the eyes of Tang Family members watching over Tang Gun-ak, then among them would surely be the eyes of Tang Bo as well.
‘He was frustrated.’
Tang Bo realized this fact early on. Even after seeing the limits of poison, he found it absurd how people clung to it, and he struggled tirelessly to break free of that mold.
But what he was up against was an unbreakable fortress, armored in the name of family law. No matter how loudly he protested, as someone who wasn’t even the patriarch, he couldn’t change anything alone.
The fact that Tang Bo couldn't attach himself to the family and ended up wandering the world, and that he eventually came to Chung Myung and challenged him in a duel to increase his reputation, were probably all efforts to change what couldn’t be changed.
'What a bundle of contradictions.'
The man despised Tang Family, but also couldn't let go of it his entire life. Until the moment he breathed his last.
Then again, was he the only one living with unresolved contradictions?
“I’ve heard that those who make poison for Tang Family can never leave its fences in their lifetime.”
“...That’s right.”
It was to prevent leaks. If they ever left and were captured by hostile forces, countless Tang Family secrets would be exposed.
“The same goes for the smithy. Those who’ve mastered the family’s secret techniques are bound to Tang Family for life.”
“....”
"And for the daughters, well, it's just painful to even talk about."
Tang Gun-ak nodded heavily.
He too knows. That those who sustain Tang Family live difficult lives. That the name of the Sichuan Tang Family was built upon the sacrifices of those many people.
“And it’s not like the martial artists who learn techniques built on those sacrifices go on to live such great lives either. You’re the perfect example, aren’t you, Gaju-nim?”
"...What exactly do you know by looking at me?"
"You always have this frown right here."
Chung Myung deeply creased his brow with his finger. At this somewhat comical imitation, Tang Gun-ak couldn't help but burst into laughter.
"...I can't help it, can I? Because I am the patriarch."
“Who decided that?”
"Hmm?"
"Who decided that Tang Family patriarch must shoulder every burden and somehow elevate Tang Family to the greatest martial sect in the world? Was that Gaju-nim’s dream from the start?”
Tang Gun-ak fell silent. The old him would’ve naturally said yes. But now, the words wouldn’t come.
Because merely believed it to be so.
From a childhood he could barely remember, he had simply assumed that was what he was supposed to do.
“Gaju-nim is not that kind of person.”
“...Why do you think so?”
"I can tell just by how Gaju-nim treats Soso. Gaju-nim is someone who just wants Soso to be happy. I doubt it’s any different with the rest of the family.”
Tang Gun-ak remained silent, unable to find anything to say in rebuttal. Meanwhile, Chung Myung spoke again.
“It’s sad. A system built to ensure everyone’s happiness has, at some point, become what makes everyone suffer. But then from another point, it became something everyone was expected to endure as a matter of course."
Tang Gun-ak spoke with a slightly hardened voice.
“Mount Hua Chivalrous Sword. But you can’t truly know the intentions of the ancestors who founded Tang Family, can you?”
“I can.”
“...You can?”
"Yes. I can know too easily. Especially when it comes to Tang Family."
At the words, Tang Gun-ak frowned. Wasn’t this too bold a claim?
"How? They lived centuries ago."
"Still, it's the same. Even if hundreds or thousands of years pass... a parent's feelings toward their child wouldn't be different."
For a moment, Tang Gun-ak stared blankly at Chung Myung.
"Did you say... parent?"
"Yes. ‘Ancestors’ sounds grand, but they were just parents worried about their children after their deaths."
Chung Myung chuckled softly.
"Did those yangban really create family laws while worrying about Gaju-nim hundreds of years later?"
"...I suppose not."
"Right. So it's easy. What was the reason they created such laws? What they truly wished for."
Chung Myung's laughter slightly subsided. He fixed his gaze on the sky and spoke quietly.
"I may not know what a parent's love is, but I know how a master feels looking at disciples, or how one feels about martial siblings."
Chung Myung's gaze slowly moved from the sky to the side. Beyond the thick reeds, where it cannot be seen, the disciples of Mount Hua lie asleep.
"I hope they grow strong."
“....”
"But not too strong. That would be hard on them. It would be enough if they were satisfied with themselves, but those ones are just too greedy."
"...Isn't it you who made them that way?"
"That's right."
Chung Myung nodded.
"It would be nice if they did just the right amount, but I don't know where that right amount is. Just when I think it’s enough, the thought hits me again. What if someone even stronger shows up and attacks these kids? What if I’m not there when it happens?”
"...I understand."
“Huh? What?”
"That happens because you're a coward."
Chung Myung scrunched up his face and grumbled.
“I don’t think you’re all that different from me.”
“...I can’t deny that.”
Tang Gun-ak chuckled softly. It wasn’t as if anything had been solved. But somehow, just talking made him feel lighter.
“Parents....”
What kind of life do they want their children to live?
What does the human Tang Gun-ak, who was not the patriarch of Tang Family, want?
Then Chung Myung spoke again.
“It really is difficult. Even parents and children who spend their whole lives together can hardly understand each other’s true intentions. In the end, no one can truly see into another’s heart."
“....”
"But we can guess."
“Because my heart would be the same."
"Yes. That's right."
Tang Gun-ak nodded. He seemed to understand what Chung Myung was trying to say.
There was no need to agonize over what the Tang ancestors had felt. He himself can become the ancestor of Tang Family.
“Now, as I have to uproot this foundation and settle somewhere unfamiliar, what I want for my children is....”
Tang Gun-ak closed his eyes.
Only now did he begin to grasp the hearts of the ancestors. Because he now stood in the same position they once did.
"What’s lost can’t be helped. Regret and resentment won’t bring it back. Self-blame? Do as you please if you want to."
“....”
"But."
Chung Myung's gaze turns to a distant place.
“There are things you only come to understand after you’ve lost them. And because of that loss, there are things you’re finally able to gain.”
Tang Gun-ak quietly clasped his hands.
"I'm certain. Whatever form it takes... those who have lost what should not be lost will become stronger."
Tang Gun-ak quietly clenched his fist.
Had he heard these words just days ago, before everything fell apart, he might not have understood. He would have simply devoted his life to making already hardened things even harder. Even if that made life harder for the ones he cared about.
Tang Gun-ak stared at Chung Myung intently.
“Mount Hua Chivalrous Sword. Is that why you gathered them?”
“...What?”
“Heavenly Comrade Alliance.”
What an uncanny coincidence.
Most of those who belonged to Heavenly Comrade Alliance had lost something great had once lost something. Now that even Tang Family has come to this, that fact suddenly became more apparent.
“...No. I didn’t gather them on purpose. I just gathered them and found that only those kinds of people had come.”
“....”
"It just happened that way. Suddenly one, suddenly another. When I came to my senses, many had come."
"I see..."
“Those yangban probably needed someone too. And we just happened to be there. Those who haven't experienced pain don't need to seek anyone. It’s just that only people like that ended up meeting one another.”
Chung Myung cackled out loud.
"And by nature, somewhat lacking people tend to stick well together."
Just like him and Tang Bo. Those who share similar pain tend to seek each other out.
"So there’s no grand or special reason. It’s just... I couldn’t leave them be."
A trace of bitterness lingered at the corner of Chung Myung's lips. His eyes had simply gone to them because he understood too well what it meant to lose something. He simply couldn’t bring himself to turn them away.
"So even if I went back to the past, it would be the same for me. Regretting, lamenting that I only suffered losses, wondering what connection it had to me that I had to bleed and fight..."
Chung Myung closed his eyes slightly. When he opened them again, his gaze was just pure and clear.
"Still, I would go again. Cursing myself all the way for doing something so stupid.”
Tang Gun-ak let out a deep sigh without realizing it.
"...That's not called being stupid."
“Tsk.”
But Chung Myung suddenly stood up from his seat without even listening to his words. Tang Gun-ak raised his head with a puzzled expression.
"Hmm?"
"I'm going."
“...Suddenly?”
“I think Gaju-nim needs some time alone too.”
Chung Myung smiled and turned around. No, he started to turn but then stepped closer to Tang Gun-ak.
"Huh?"
Tok!
He reached out and lightly tapped Tang Gun-ak on the shoulder. Then he put strength into his shoulder as if pressing down slightly.
“...What?”
"Well then."
Leaving behind that ambiguous gesture, Chung Myung turned and walked away. Tang Gun-ak, staring at his back as he walked away without hesitation, spoke.
“Hey, Mount Hua Chivalrous Sword.”
"Yes?"
Chung Myung turned his head and looked at Tang Gun-ak.
“...Thank you.”
Chung Myung simply looked at him in silence, then pointed upward with a finger.
“Thank the ones up there.”
It was a statement with an unclear meaning. After Chung Myung's figure had completely disappeared, Tang Gun-ak looked up at the sky again. Countless stars were still emitting light in the darkened sky.
Just moments ago, their light had felt like eyes that watched and reprimanded him, but now they didn't feel so cold.
His fingers brushed the dagger hidden in his sleeve. A short, incredulous laugh escaped his lips.
“In the end... he never told me what I should do.”
He shook his head slowly and closed his eyes.
He knew. No one else could decide that for him. It was a path only he could choose. A battle only he could fight.
However... a small thing accompanies that solitary battle.
The slight warmth Chung Myung had left behind as he pressed his hand to his shoulder. That warmth, as if transmitted from somewhere, seeped into Tang Gun-ak’s shoulder.
|Note
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